It melts it right into a big puddle. A big puddle of love, bittersweet and overwhelming.
You know when your kid does something so unexpected, so sweet, that it just about breaks your heart in two? You can actually feel your chest imploding as your heart disintegrates?
The seven year old did that to me last night.
Hours after he had gone to bed, I was pulling down my covers and rearranging my pillows when suddenly, something fluttered out from under the bedding.
This is what it was:
Can you stand it? I cannot stand it.
It breaks my heart, strangely, because it makes me feel sad that he would think of himself being disrespectful, that he would apologize, even though, you know, he’s SEVEN, so of course he is disrespectful sometimes. And it’s just what we want, right, that he should be self-aware enough to realize his mistakes. And yet, it’s sad! It’s such a weird thing, this being a parent. Wonderful and joyful and sad and terrifying, all at the same time.
And that he’d thank me for dinner. I’m surprised I did sob myself to sleep.
You can bet your booty I’ll keep that note FOREVER. You know?
Oh my gosh, yes, I can feel your pain and joy in that! I know exactly what you mean about wanting them to be self-aware and considerate, but then not wanting them to feel guilt or shame. It IS so wonderful and terrifying, this raising of children.
I know that you will save that forever!